When I was a kid my mom and my teachers talked about being bucket fillers. And to be completely honest without you I haven't thought about that specific metaphor much since then, because my goal had always been to be kind. But today it's resonating with me! So, here I am because I felt God nudging me to start writing because He needed to speak through me. I'm excited for the person God is trying to share this with to read it!
The concept of being a bucket filler is that when you say something nice, help someone with something, smile at someone, or share you are filling someones bucket. And a bucket dipper is the opposite, lowering someones bucket level by, acting mean, excluding people, yelling, or ignoring someone.
The kick is, is that when you give, your bucket level decreases. Giving is a sacrifice. Which is completely okay, unless no one is filling your bucket and you're constantly giving to others. Eventually you're going to be running on empty.
I know some of you are hoping that I am going to say to just be bucket dippers and take take take so you're bucket it full. And that's the easy way but that is not what I am going to say at all.
I spent a lot of my life feeling empty because everyone around me, meaning friends and people at school and sports, were taking from my bucket and I was constantly giving from my bucket. I was being a bucket filler and everyone else was being a bucket dipper. So what happened? I was running on empty.
Often we find ourselves on empty. Mentally. Spiritually. Physically. School might be taking everything you can give. Same with work. Friends might be taking and never giving back. A toxic relationship or breakup might leave your bucket empty and you might be in need of some love.
Now that I'm writing this, I'm seeing there are two questions for me to think about personally and to ask you. 1. What do you do when someone in your life is constantly a bucket dipper? 2. Where do you go to fill your bucket?
One answer should be, be like Jesus and the other answer should be, God. Let's chat about it.
I'm going to preface this with, thinking about this is kind of a slap in the face, because the sinful human inside of us wants to just take the easy more pleasurable way out of it.
1. What do you do when someone in your life is constantly a bucket dipper?
When I think about this my brain automatically thinks of the people in my life who constantly need something but are never there when I need them in return. The friend who always talks and talks about how bad life is going, wants help with something around their house, they ask for advice, they expect quick responses, they might expect you to pay for things, or maybe they are always asking you to drive them around. And then when you need something they make it about them, they don't respond for long periods of time or maybe not even at all, maybe their response is a shut you up type like "that sucks", or they tell you you're over exaggerating. I don't know exactly what your situation is and I could make the list go on forever. But, I know you've thought of someone in your life or maybe even someone who used to be in your life but you had enough and said I can't do this anymore.
Number one lesson I have learned from people like this. They are not the person you should be going to for help, advice, or even to rant. Why? Chances are, they don't care as much as they should. Why else? Because you need to find someone who is going to feed into you with the word of God and point you to Jesus.
Second lesson. Have some grace like Jesus would. It’s so easy to say, “I’m done with this person, I’m done giving and never getting anything out of it.” Yes, you are probably upset that they aren't returning the favor or you're hurt that they don't care as much as you wish they did. And your feelings are completely valid and I can truthfully say that I completely understand where you are coming from. But, you can't let your feelings choose your reaction or your response. Your feelings are valid, but you can't sit in it. Forgive them. In Matthew 18: 21 and 22 Peter is talking to Jesus and asks Him, "Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother? As many as seven times?" and Jesus responds and says "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven." And the significance of that is not to walk around keeping tallies on everyone until you have forgiven them 490 times. The point is for forgiveness to become our natural instinct. Forgiveness is for you, it's not for the other person. It relieves bitterness from your heart. By Gods grace you are saved and forgiven, so extend that grace to the people in your life.
Third lesson. As a christian, someone being a bucket dipper does not give you the freedom to be a bucket dipper back and then leave that person in the dust. Obviously there are situations where you need to remove that person from your life, but that is something between you and God that you need to pray about. The easiest way for me to explain this is to share a personal story.
I had this friend for a long long time. We went through a lot as phases of not being friends and then back to friends. Not because we didn't get along but because they would find new and better friends and kind of push me to the bottom of the list. We always missed each other because we loved and cared about each other. We always ended up being close friends again after she would reach out. Once I got into high school I realized that the whole time she was only coming back because she needed something or because she was struggling with friendships or broke up with her boyfriend and she knew I was always there to pick her back up.
I'm sure you're thinking of some people and so am I. The easy thing to do is to walk away and forget about them. Which makes sense because your bucket will be fuller right? In a sense, yes that's correct. But think of it like this, look through a more selfless lens.
- If you've never confronted them, you're just completely dropping them and they have no idea why. I don't like when people do that to me so why would it be acceptable to do it to someone else? It's not.
- More importantly, this. They have all these people in their life, maybe their family, their teammates, their friends, their teachers, their neighbors, ect. But they always come back to you when they need their bucket filled. Ever think that maybe every single person in their life, other than you, is a bucket dipper? So, the little bit or maybe a lot that you are filling them up with, they are in desperate need of. And I am not excusing their actions towards you or discounting your feelings. I'm just encouraging you because maybe you're their hope in the dark.
So then you are probably thinking, well then if that's the case how am I supposed to replenish my bucket from everything they took? Which brings us to number 2!
2. Where do you go to fill your bucket?
Easy question right? Friends, the gym, music, sports, family. People and places that make me feel good!
Maybe you're surrounded by bucket dippers or you're someone who is constantly giving and not receiving. Different things but same result. An empty bucket.
Maybe now you look to things like, relationships, sex, porn, drugs, food, or being a bucket dipper. Anything to feel some sort of satisfaction or just to feel needed or wanted by someone. Your bucket might feel a little fuller, temporarily.
Maybe you're surrounded by bucket fillers. And everything is balanced, you giving to them and them giving to you. But your bucket still feels empty and you're still not satisfied.
I've experienced both; looking to the wrong things and feeling empty when I don't think I should. Both are hard.
Maybe as you're reading this God is tugging on your heart strings or maybe He's not. Maybe you're ignoring it. Either way, I would encourage you to take a minute, pray, and open your heart to God and whatever He has for you.
And for everyone no matter their situation, this is a good reminder.
The answer is, God. Where should I go to get my bucket filled? God. Where should I go when I am in need of guidance? God. Where should I go when I'm feeling down about myself? God. The answer is always God.
God will provide for you, open doors for you, close doors, give you strength and guidance. You will never ever ever be satisfied by what the world has to offer. No matter how satisfied you seem in the moment, it's temporary. Satisfaction from the Lord stays forever.
John 15:5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. The one who abides in me while I abide in him produces much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing.”
John 15:16 “You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.”
John 14:8 “Philip said to him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us.”
Philippians 4:19-20 “And my God will fully supply your every need according to his glorious riches in the Messiah Jesus. Glory belongs to our God and Father forever and ever! Amen.”
Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
God is your creator. Who knows more about something and what it needs better than the creator himself? No one.
1 John 2:15-16 "Don’t love this evil world or the things in it. If you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. This is all there is in the world: wanting to please our sinful selves, wanting the sinful things we see, and being too proud of what we have. But none of these comes from the Father. They come from the world."
Luke 9:25 "It is worth nothing for you to have the whole world if you yourself are destroyed or lost."
And I am not saying all of this to say that it is wrong to go to friends and family to talk about things going on in your life. Because having that is also so so important. But having a friend to talk to when you don't have God isn't going to change anything. The other thing is that you have to be very careful about who you go to for advice. Because if they aren't actively pursuing Jesus they are not going to lead you in the direction you need to go to stay on the right path on your walk with Christ. If you have a true friend from Christ they are going to fill your bucket with love, truth, and encouragement. But they will also tell you how it is, they'll meet you with honesty even when it's hard, because they truly care.
Being surrounded by other Christians actively pursuing Jesus is incredibly important on your walk with Christ. This is something it took me a while to believe. Because I thought I could do it all on my own. But once I knew I needed that, I prayed for that person and God provided. Once you have that person in your life, it's seriously a game changer. Pray for that person, find them, and show thankfulness for them and Gods kindness daily. If you don't have that person, pray. Let me know and I will be praying also.
All of this to say your bucket will never be full without God and be like Jesus would when you're faced with a bucket dipper, because you don't know what is going on their life behind the scenes.
I hope this changes your mindset about some of the people in your life or your mindset about God being your true bucket filler.
I pray that whoever God is intending to read this, reads this with an open mind and open heart for God to do the work he needs to.
Thank you for reading and supporting me! I hope you enjoyed.
Here's to 2022!
Love,
Maddie (: