Girl it’s not Mt. Everest!
Proverbs 3:6
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
August of last year I applied to be part of the volunteer program at the fire station I currently work at. After being with the agency for almost 14 months and working on B shift for 10 months, this Saturday is my last shift. Today, I said goodbye to my lieutenant and shed the first tears I have in the building. Through all the aches, pains, struggles, sweat, and hard work I put into academy and training since then, today is the only day I have cried.
(That was just some context for what I'm about to say to help ya out.)
My whole life I have been fascinated by puzzles. When I was little and my mom cleaned out our game and puzzle cabinet, she would always hand me a puzzle to put together to see if it had all the pieces. To this day we still joke about the phrase "turn it, turn it" because that's what she'd tell me when I had the right piece just not the right direction.
As I grew up I continued to enjoy puzzles and I think it's because I'm a very visual person. I have to see things to understand. Don't just tell me, show me. I'm a person who likes steps, logic, and guidelines. And it's because I want to know how it's gonna end up. And I know what you're thinking. Call me a control freak if you want, but I just thrive with structure! Like in soccer, I liked when we had set plays for corners and free kicks, I thrived because I knew exactly where I needed to be, what I was going to do, and where I needed to end up. Not because I couldn't function without it but it just gave me a sense of comfort I guess.
I could talk about how I strive from this for hours. And maybe you're the same way. Structure. The outside of the puzzle. I always start a puzzle by going through and seperating the inside and the outside pieces. (If you don't do this, please don't ask me to do a puzzle with you lol!) Why do I do this? To build the structure. Having the outside done gives you a sense of accomplishment and makes building the inside an easier process. Right? Hopefully you said right!
As a christian we know this working from the outside in isn't the correct way. We need to start on the inside because that's where our structure is. Our spiritual and biblical foundation is built from getting in the word and setting our heart in the right direction.
Right now my life feels like I'm trying to do the puzzle with the pieces all mixed together and upside down. All the pieces are brown and look the same. And my mom is telling me turn it but I haven't been sucessful putting even two pieces together. I'm sure you've done some type of puzzle, crossword, or math problem, and you just stare at it for hours and get nowhere. Super defeating right? You probably felt dumb, useless, tired, upset or many other things. None of those things are even a fraction of the truth but that's how it felt.
So there's your answer. You asked how I'm really doing. And I feel like I'm at a crossroad and have absolutely no idea which direction to turn. And it's hard. I thought that I had my life figured out and was just crusing down I5. I was probably distracted by the music and driving too fast and somehow ended up at the base of Mt. Everest and was told to climb it. With no: advice, training, warning, or gear. No structure. No clue. No plan. My puzzle pieces were thrown on the floor and the dog ate two of them so now I can't even finish the puzzle. So what's the point? I asked that question a million times.
What's the point of going to school now?
What's the point of going to shift if they're just throwing me out like a piece of garbage on October 17th anyways?
What's the point of training if I'm done firefighting in a month?
What's the point of paying for school that I might not use?
The point is that God has a plan. God planted me on B Shift at Station 115 for a reason. God is placing it on my heart to stand up for medical freedom and step away from firefighting. Why? Because on October 17th at 8:01am God has my next puzzle piece ready for me to turn it and put it together. Although right now walking away might seem worse than climbing Mt. Everest with no gear, which is literally impossible, and that my puzzle pieces are missing, scattered and upside down, I know God's got my back. I have faith that God has a better plan than I do.
Does that mean this next puzzle piece of my life is gonna be easy to find where it goes? Absolutely not. I will probably put it in every wrong spot, spill coffee on it, drip tears on it, lose it for a few days, bend a tab, and struggle. But what I am not going to do is give up. And I'm not going to give in. I'm gonna take this time to turn the music down and take my foot off the gas to see all the scenery I've been missing and taking for granted. I'm going to take a deep breath and look around to see that it's not Mt. Everest, it's just Skinners Butte. And I'm going to remember that no matter which puzzle piece I'm working on and no matter how many times I have to turn it God is going to be right there with me.
I've been asked what my plan is many times. And here it is:
A lot more Jesus
A lot less world
Rebuild from the inside out
As far as school, firefighting, and life plans? I set schools puzzle piece to the side to worry about later. I found the spot for firefigthings puzzle piece and it's time to move on to the next piece. Maybe there will be another one in the future. Life plans? Live for Jesus, and I'll be doing this until I finsish my puzzle.
So for those of you who were hoping to hear about my new big plans, new career path, and huge news. I'm sorry to disappoint. But, I promise you won't be disappointed by the changes God makes to my heart.
God calls us to be faithful, content, and paitent. So, that's what I'm doing. Not perfectly at all, but it's a process. My advice to you is to do the same. Yes, some days will be hard, some days your puzzle pieces will be all over the house, and sometimes you'll feel like someone is telling you to climb Mt. Everest. But God has His hand on you to help you turn the puzzle piece and the help you up the mountain.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid: do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go.
Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
And yes not knowing what my next step looks does kinda worry me. I understand that everything happens for a reason. But not knowing where I am going to end up or where Im going next truly stresses me out. Think of how much easier faith it would be if God said, "okay Maddie you're going to do this, go here, and end up here." But that's not faith. Trust that God has you. Give your stress, worries, and fears to God and he will bring you peace and an abundance of joy.
Let only the things that truly matter have control of your life. God, family, and close friends. Work on yourself from the inside out and your puzzles from the outside in.
Stay strong, keep going, and remember I love you!
Sorry if that's all over the place, but that's how my brain processes these big changes in my life. Thanks for reading :))
Peace out and God bless.
- Maddie
PS- Mom, even when I feel like I'm turning in circles I know you're cheering me on and rooting for me to turn it until I get it right!
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